Bad News Economic Stories From the AP X3
Posted by vive42 on 2009/11/02
Story One, Story Two and Story Three. All economic stories from the Associated Press. All bad news. First up, CIT group is going bankrupt. (Whoever CIT group is. Office supplies or something). Then Mr. Geithner (some treasury department guy) says not to expect jobs any time soon. Last but not least, a story about how screwed you are if you live in a factory town, because once the jobs leave there aren’t any more coming.
But what exactly is behind this gloomy economic reporting?
*warning: clicking through to the conspiracy portion of this post may be harmful to credulous or paranoia stricken people*
Even a blind person (with some sort of voice-internet description software) can see that the AP is trying to destroy any hopes of an economic recovery with their party-pooping economic stories. Truly patriotic Americans are busy clinging to every positive scrap of news to reassure themselves that it’s okay run those credit cards back up because there is nothing to be concerned about, economically speaking.
So the AP must have some ulterior motive if they’ve set themselves the task of puncturing the mighty balloon of US optimism. But what?
The answer is, probably, aliens. As you probably know already inventions from the microwave oven, to the Foreman grill, to the 4-slice toaster were actually alien technologies transferred to the Authorities as payment for services rendered. No doubt a new invention must be in the works (perhaps a stove or hibachi of some sort), but in order to take full advantage the economic recovery must be timed precisely to when the alien inspired product makes it to the market.
It seems certain that some sort of production delays, perhaps the Robo-Fry Assistant running amok and killing the beta testers or something, has set the roll-out back, and Alien Press is attempting to stall the recovery until such time as all the bugs can be worked out. That way the Robo-Fryer can come on the market just at the very moment when people begin to have money to throw away on worthless crap again.
Astonishing how clever these conspirators can get! No ordinary person could ever untangle the web of lies and other lies to get to the sticky nougat of truth which has been hidden at the center. That’s why I urge you to check back right here tomorrow for 3 more news stories and another thrilling look at what our alien liaisons (read, overlords) have in store for us.
